Broken Bonds: Surrogate Mothers Speak Out

Table of Contents

Introduction - Jennifer Lahl, Melinda Tankard Reist, Renate Klein

Signing the Paper in Blood -  Cathy (Canada)
Cathy agrees to be a ‘surrogate’ for a gay couple- and almost loses her life after giving birth to three premature babies.

The Biggest Mistake of My Life - Oxana (Georgia)
As told to Eva-Maria Bachinger, Oxana thinks that surrogacy will give her a chance to earn money, but then faces the devastation of surrendering a daughter with whom she has established a close bond.

Anonymous No More: How I was Groomed to be a Multiple Egg Donor - Maggie (USA)
As a naive 21 year old, Maggie was an easy target for a ruthless egg donor recruiter, unaware of the health risks entailed. She is now paying the consequences of years of donation, facing terminal breast cancer.

Once they found out I didn’t have the perfect baby, I was disposable - Britni (USA)After four children of her own, Britni becomes a surrogate to help a couple, but when the twins that result are found to have abnormalities, she is pressured to abort and left to fend for herself as she faces psychological and physical trauma.

No Right to Know - Natascha (Russia)
As told to Eva-Maria Bachinger Natascha bought a car with the money earned from surrogacy but cannot say how much. She had no say in who the parents of the baby would be, no control over contact with the child, and no idea what has happened to the eggs she donated.

Bitter Family Ties: Will I ever see my son again? - Odette Lees (Australia)
Odette Lees acts as a ‘surrogate’ for her cousin but the agreement goes wrong almost from the start and ends in a protracted battle in the courts as she strives to maintain contact with the child as was promised to her.

When My Surrogacy Became My Nightmare - Denise (USA)
Surrogacy for a Chinese couple goes wrong when twins are born, and one is the genetic child of the surrogate’s partner and is not Chinese.

I am an Incubator - Natalia (Russia)
Natalia relocates to Moscow to be a ‘surrogate’ for a wealthy Russian couple, and wants it all to be over as soon as possible to resume her own life-with some much-needed money.

Exploited, Lied to, Financially Ruined and Devastated - Kelly (USA)
Kelly undergoes surrogacy three times for two couples overseas and one in the USA- and ends up almost dying in childbirth and PTSD as a result.

Surrogacy Broke Up Our Family - Rob (Australia)-partner of a ‘surrogate’
When Bev agrees to be a surrogate for an acquaintance, she has no idea of the ongoing difficulties that will be faced by her and Rob as they strive to maintain a semblance of a normal life.

‘My Heart is Hurting’ – the stories of Ujwala, Dimpy and Sarala as told by Sheela Saravanan (India/Germany)
Ethnographer Sheela Saravanan tells the heartbreaking stories of three poor Indian women. They needed the money but didn’t know surrogacy would hurt them so much.

Messing with my Body, Messing with my Mind - Marie Anne (UK)
Marie Anne wants to help her cousin have a baby, but not only does surrogacy destroy their relationship, it results in Marie Anne losing her career, and her own children too, because her mental health is destroyed by the process.

Surrogacy is business - Elena (Romania)
For Elena surrogacy is a chance to put food on the table and eke out a living.

Left Alone with Exploding Breasts and an Exploding Heart - Michelle (USA)
It is only after being a surrogate four times that Rachel realises that striving for money and self-fulfillment through surrogacy is a delusion.

A 'Selfless' Donor - Viktoria (Hungary)
Viktoria has donated over 70 eggs and knows little of the result, besides that two girls have been born. This knowledge brings her a mixture of joy and despair, coupled with the health problems she is now facing as a result of her donations.

When Good Intentions were met with Racism and Hate - Toni (USA)
When Toni, a black American woman, acts as a ‘surrogate’ for a white couple, she realises, too late, that the child she is carrying will be growing up in a house full of hate.

Afterword
Acknowledgements
References

Reviews

"‘Broken Bonds: Surrogate Mothers Speak Out’ is a harrowing and uncomfortable read for anyone, bravely highlighting the multitude of abuse, harm and suffering that many women undergo during and after partaking in surrogacy.

"This book does in itself provide balance to discussions surrounding surrogacy, which are often dominated by intended parents and where the devastating consequences on the surrogate mothers are often hidden.

"Overall, this book is vital for future intended parents and medical professionals involved in surrogacy to allow them consider new perspectives, including how the rights of the surrogate mother may be abused and how such abuse can be prevented."

—BMJ Sexual & Reproductive Health Read more

Kudos, then to Jennifer Lahl and her co-editors Melinda Tankard Reister and Renate Klein for letting women hired to be “gestational mothers” tell their stories in their own voices.

…The women who describe their experiences in this book have been exploited. In a society boasting of “social justice” commitments, the radical power inequality between gestational surrogates and those hiring them (Big Fertility, wealthy people, lawyers indifferent to the conflicts of interest they engage in) is glaring.

—Human Life Review 47 (Winter 2021) Read more

The stories in Broken Bonds range from disillusionment to devastation, but a story’s power is in its telling. Some surrogates’ stories are told so baldly as to lack pathos, a rhetorical aspect of the book’s argument that is of particular importance. On the other hand, this artlessness illustrates one of the industry’s open secrets: It is exclusively undertaken by the economically and socially disadvantaged. The fundamentally exploitative nature of surrogacy is backhandedly revealed in that gestational surrogates are not drawn from well-spoken classes of society ladies. It is little wonder that they have been the losers in the battle of narrative.

—The Natural Family Read more

In the 2019 book, Broken Bonds. Surrogate Mothers Speak Out, 16 stories by women who rented their wombs or provided their eggs to others demonstrate more convincingly than any medical study how these technologies are not creating happiness or freedom—they are sources of misery and alienation (Lahl, Tankard Reist & Klein, eds. 2019). The scientific mission of perfecting nature seems to be requesting a high price of sorrow and a burden of physical and psychological illness while producing huge profits for the ART industry, Big Pharma, and the omnipresent agents of biomarkets.

—Dignity Read more

FIVE STARS. Broken Bonds addresses the darker side of surrogacy by doing what Spinifex press do best giving voice to women’s lived experiences globally.
This book is a short anthology that squarely places surrogacy as a bleak culture of buying and selling females and babies by the wealthy. Children are not consumable goods nor are women.

—Heidi Stevens, GoodReads

FIVE STARS. This book is primarily a collection of seventeen stories written by surrogate mothers. 
...I nearly cried twice while reading this book. It is a quick read, but its really not a quick read, because I couldn’t just sit down with this and go. I needed to step away several times.

—Anita Kay, GoodReads

FIVE STARS. Must-read on surrogacy, I haven’t read anything else on the topic so easily digestible and affecting.

...Deeply disturbing and definitely the best place to start if this topic is new to you.

—Max, GoodReads